WINDO 2003 -YARDIE VERSION.
Dear Customaz:
It look like dem mek a mistake an ship out couple a copies a
WINDO 2003 -YARDIE VERSION.
If you fine seh yu ave a copy, no badder fret, mi ave di pill
fi de sickness (translatian fi di comand dem)
Ere dem is:
When yuh open di Yardie edition yu wi si di openin screen.
It read: "WINDO 2003", wit a background picture of Halfway 
Tree Square.
Wen yuh start di program yuh wi ear di Bad bwoy antem:
"Murda-ra Blood de pan yu shoulda" By Buju Banton.
Please also note:
Recycle Bin is labeled "General penitentiary."
My Computer is called "A Fimi Own."
The Inbox is referred to as "Barrel come."
Deleted Items are referred to as "Ole Bungle"
Dial up Networking is called "Ring mi Cellular."
Control Panel is known as the "Babylon."
Performing' an "illegal operation" is known as
"Smuggling not allowed unless part a di Govament"
Hard Drive is referred to as "Reema an Jungle."
Instead of an error message yu wi si, "Wapp'n! Yuh Nu know wa yuh a
do?" 
pops up.
CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY INA DI YARDIE EDITION:
OK..............Irie!
Cancel.........No badda dat man
Reset.......... Rewine
Yes.............seen!
No..............Na sa
Find............Look fi it nu
Browse..........Faas
Back............Tun roun
Help............(this is not a feature ..Jamaicans know it all an nuh
need 
nuh elp)
Stop............Mi Dun now
Start...........Gwan troo
Settings........Di set up
Also note di keyboard setup! Di YARDIE EDITION na ave di letter "H."
Wi doan use dat ina wi vocabulary. So dis is ow yu mus type certain "H"
words:
Help????.. elp
Horrible?.Arrible
Heart ??? Art
Heavy ??.. Eby
Honda??.. Unda
Handkerchif ?.. Kercief
Holiday ??? Alliday
NB. Certain words will trigger the auto correct feature such as
"Smith" =Simit, this cannot be overwritten.
Many ave tried!! Dis triggers the "YARDIE GENERAL"
whos sound file says back off, yu nuh no seh we run tings an
tings nuh run we!!!
(The Office assistant no longer resides in the "WINDO 2003" 
package as im get Box up by de YARDIE GENERAL wid a Heineken Bokkle) .
Please feel free to return any found YARDIE EDITION to the Home
Office for instant deportation back to JA

Out of the mouths of doctors................. 

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the 
cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, 
and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were 
several cabs, and I was in the wrong one. 
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX 
---- 
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and 
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I 
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient. 
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA 
---- 
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her 
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes 
later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of 
a "massive internal fart." 
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada 
---- 
During a patient's two-week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he 
informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his 
medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a 
new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had 
him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man 
had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal 
of the old patch before applying a new one. 
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA 
---- 
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have 
you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why, 
not for about twenty years--when my husband was alive." 
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR 
---- 
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your breakfast 
this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem 
to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the 
jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled KY Jelly." 
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI 
---- 
And Finally . . . . . 
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing 
female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed 
a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was 
performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed 
him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I 
tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 
I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'." 
---- 
Colonoscopy comments 
A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while 
he was performing colonoscopies: 
1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before." 
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?" 
3. "Can you hear me NOW?" 
4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!" 
5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" 
6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married." 
7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?" 
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the 
Hokey Pokey...." 
9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!" 
10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!" 
11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity." 
12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?" 
13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in 
fact, up there?"